High Five
by LornaCat
Summary: A lighthearted Jack/Erica story - Jack's been having impure thoughts. Erica's so hot, even Father Travis got to shout...
1. Give Me A Sign

_A/N - This isn't a parody, but it's definitely not supposed to be taken too seriously. :D I tend to ramble when chatting with friends, I like to make people laugh...sometimes the ideas I get through those ramblings become irresistable and I'm inspired enough to flesh them out and make sense of them...special thanks go to Gina (McBreezy) for encouraging this one! :D_

_Anyhoo, I wrote this after seeing 1x10 "Hearts & Minds". __I concluded that Erica looked so incredibly hot when she challenged Jack's boxing skills, even Father Travis got to shout..._

_Rated T for innuendo. (...for now...)  
_

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Give Me A Sign**  
_In which God rips the clothes off Jack's object of desire. Literally. _

Jack had to stop and thank the big boss that Hobbes had interrupted them when he did. The sounds that Erica made when she went at it with the punching bag had put all sort of thoughts in his head. Surprising thoughts, worrying thoughts...dirty thoughts. He tried to clear his mind, as his teachers had recommended at the seminary, and think about goodness and healing instead of all the things he wanted to do with, to, and all over Special Agent Erica Evans. He thought it might help to call her by her professional name, but it only called to mind that proud, noble side of her that he was so deeply attracted to. Not that he needed another reason to be attracted to her. Her body would make any man weak in the knees, but Jack had met many attractive women throughout his life. He'd been able to quell his urges until now; somehow Erica's personality had unleashed what Jack had managed to keep locked away for all his years in the priesthood.

"Baseball." Jack muttered on his way to confession. "Baseball, football, hockey, wrestling..."

_Oops_. Sports were no longer a viable distraction. Those thoughts inevitably led back to boxing, and to visions of Erica in a little gray tank top and a sly, flirtatious grin, blonde hair flying as she beat the crap out of the punching bag in front of him.

* * *

"I..." Jack said once he'd closed the confessional door behind him. "I need to confess."

"Father...?" Travis said, surprised, when he recognized the voice on the other side of the thin screen between them. He recovered quickly, realizing that if Jack had come to him like this, it must have been important. "Don't be ashamed, Jack. If we were without sin we would not be human."

Jack let out a shaky sigh, gladly accepting the reassurance. "I've been having...impure thoughts."

Travis waited for Jack to elaborate, but it seemed he was too nervous. "Go on." Travis prompted him. "This is a safe place."

"I've been having impure thoughts about a woman." Jack continued. "One that I've been working with very closely. On, uh...on one of the community outreach programs. We've grown very close over a very short period of time."

"Perhaps you feel you've grown..._too _close?"

"No." Jack said instantly, as if by reflex. Yet, wasn't that exactly what he was here about? "I mean, maybe." he admitted, becoming flustered. "I don't know."

"It's alright." said Father Travis. "It happens. I'm surprised it's taken you this long to have this problem, Jack. How many years have we been working together now?"

Jack chuckled softly, reassured but still not quite relieved. So it happened to other priests; what was he supposed to _do_ about it? "Do you have any advice for me, Father? I can't leave this outreach program, and neither can she. We're both very committed, and I would hate for these inappropriate feelings to affect the program in a negative way."

"Well, if isolating yourself from her is not an option, I would suggest trying to purge these feelings any way you can. You've already been able to admit that you're having them, and that is an important step. It is better to face our demons than deny they exist..."

Jack tried to listen, but even in this safe place his thoughts wandered. _Why am I obsessing over this moment?_ he wondered, even as he imagined a different scenario. _You need help with those gloves?_ he'd asked her. Oh how he wished she'd said yes. She'd almost brushed against him on her way to the punching bag. Just the thought of hugging her, feeling her soft body pressed against his, the curve of her -

"Jack?"

Jack started, snapped out of his sinful thoughts. Travis' last question had been a specific one.

"D-describe her?" Jack almost stuttered.

"Yes." Travis confirmed. "If you can examine why you are having these feelings, perhaps we can find a solution for you. You say they are inappropriate; your brain knows this, but for some reason your heart is resisting."

_It's not my heart I'm worried about._ Jack thought to himself. "Well, she's a very strong woman. Both physically and mentally. She has a lot to deal with in her life, and she handles it all with such grace..."

"Hmm." Travis hummed. Jack couldn't see it, but he could tell Travis was furrowing his brow in thought. "And her...physical attributes? What is it exactly that you notice when you look at her?"

"Ha..." Jack laughed once, very softly. "Everything?"

Travis chuckled, and shrugged to himself. "What color is her hair?"

"Blonde." said Jack, smiling to himself. It was angelic, at least it would have been if not for that mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"Blonde..." Travis murmured, as if trying to make a connection. "Jack...this woman, is she the one you've been meeting with at odd hours of the day? The one that always arrives with that Ryan fellow?"

"Ah..." Jack stammered, not sure if it was a good thing for Travis to know who exactly it was that he was having such heat-inducing thoughts about.

"Is that the woman you're fantasizing about?" Travis asked him, more urgently this time.

"...Yes?" Jack said, unsure and wondering why Travis was breaching the polite, if imagined, distance in their exchange. Suddenly the small screen that allowed them to speak to each other in semi-privacy was moved to the side, and Travis pushed his face in the open space, eyes wide.

"Jack."

"What?"

"Forget everything I just said. You should definitely give in to these urges."

"...What?"

"You're still young, Jack! If there's any chance that she might reciprocate these feelings, take it! Take it now!"

"But, Father," Jack sputtered. "My contract with God! This is my life, my calling!"

"I've seen your friend, Jack. _God would understand._"

"He'd understand?"

"For goodness' sake, look at her! The Lord would high five you!"

Jack took a moment to imagine a high five from God, and then remembered what he'd be high fiving him about. "This is wrong." he stated, trying to convince himself more than anyone. "You can't be serious! I must be dreaming."

"You're babbling, boy. You should be looking for this woman and telling her exactly what you told me, except in far more detail and in a far less polite manner."

"Erica, her name is Erica!" Jack shouted, sick of hearing about 'this woman' and what he should be doing to her. He suddenly felt claustrophobic in the tiny booth, so he pushed open the tiny door, stepped outside and took a deep breath. When he looked up, he thought he really was dreaming - or having an embarrassing nightmare. There was Erica, sitting in one of the pews, waiting patiently. She smiled when she saw him, standing and giving him a small nod in greeting.

"Erica." Jack said, breathless.

"That is my name." she said, her tone wry but good-natured. "Were you...?" she started to ask, fading momentarily as Travis opened his side of the confessional and stepped out. "Were you talking about me?"

"I'll leave you two alone." Travis said politely, a little _too_ politely, as he scuttled away from them and toward his office. Erica gave a very suspicious look to the back of Travis' head, her expression turning to that of a question when she turned back to Jack. Jack hoped it was only a mistrust of anyone not involved in their small group of Fifth Column resisters. The irrational fear that she could read his mind and decipher every dirty thought that was running through it was an uncontrolled one at the moment.

"I'm sorry, Erica. Now is not the best time." said Jack. It was only half lie, and depended entirely on what she was there to see him for.

"I was hoping we could talk." she said, hoping it might change his answer. "So much has happened in the past few days. We finally made some progress, you know? I finally feel like we're on top."

_On top?_ Jack's mind echoed, followed by the inevitable visuals that accompanied such a statement. _Please, Lord, give me a sign. What am I to do?_

"Jack, I-" Erica started to say, sensing something was wrong. She tried to take a step toward him, but the hem of her black t-shirt caught on a small splinter in the wooden pew. With a loud and clear ripping sound, her shirt was torn open from her waist to the middle of her sternum, revealing a beautifully sculpted, feminine six-pack and a good portion of a wine red bra.

"Oh!" she squeaked, looking down at herself. For a moment she was in shock, processing something she couldn't possibly have expected to happen. Then she realized she'd bared herself to Jack, who was not only a priest but a close and personal friend that she'd been spending most of her free time either fighting aliens or flirting with. She grabbed both sides of the torn fabric, pulling one over the other, and looked up at Jack with eyes wide open. She laughed nervously, cutting herself off when she realized she sounded like a bleating goat. She couldn't read his expression, and it didn't help that he was staring at her torso with his mouth hanging open. At her torso...or was it just her chest?

"Jack?"

Slowly, very slowly, his eyes traveled up to meet hers. "Yes?" he said, a little too loudly.

"Do you have a shirt I could borrow?"

"Uhh, I, yes!" he said, finding it near impossible to form words. "In my office." he managed to say, gesturing toward it with one hand. Erica, whose cheeks were almost as red as her underwear, ducked her head and walked in the right direction. Jack, still very much in shock himself, watched her for a few seconds before he followed. He'd just learned that, though God did not speak often, when he did, _boy _was He clear.


	2. There Is No TShirt

_I'm so happy with the response the first chapter received! I'm glad there are people who find this idea as funny as I do... :D _

**Chapter 2 - There Is No T-shirt  
**_In which Jack receives another sign...from Erica!_

Erica stood facing the door to Jack's office until he arrived to let her inside. She ducked in, head bowed to cover her blushing cheeks, and he closed the door behind them.

"It figures." Erica said as he crossed the room to get to his closet. "The one day I leave my house without a jacket..."

Jack let out a polite, nervous laugh in response to Erica's nervously sarcastic comment. He crouched in front of the closet and opened his gym bag, rummaging through it to find the promised shirt. He was too afraid to look at her directly, but from the corner of his eye he could see she was still holding her t-shirt tight in her fists. The size of her bust made it difficult for her to cover what needed to be covered. The fabric of her t-shirt had already been pulled tight across, and the slit that had been so abruptly created left a gaping, cleavage-revealing hole no matter how hard she pulled. _Don't look._ Jack thought to himself sternly._ Don't look, don't look, don't look_...

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled aloud. "I could have sworn I had an extra t-shirt in here..."

An idea came to him then. Jack was a gallant man, and giving anyone the shirt off his back was, in his mind, a small sacrifice. Giving Erica the shirt off his back was the perfect solution, for more than a few reasons. "Here," Jack said haltingly. "I'll just," He raised himself up from the crouch and turned cautiously to Erica, making sure to keep his eyeline from dipping below her neck. "I'll give you mine?" he offered, his fingers hesitating as they reached for his collar.

"Oh," Erica started and stopped, eyes widening in panic. "I...?"

"It's fine," Jack reassured her, though he was also trying to convince himself. "Father Travis will have something for me to borrow. I've got a t-shirt on underneath, it's really no big deal."

Erica smiled politely, and smile turned to sheepish grin as the absurdity of the situation hit her again. She watched Jack take off the white collar - removing the symbol of his priesthood - an action that meant more to her than perhaps it should have. It was only when he was out of that uniform that she allowed herself to think of him as a normal man, a man that it was okay to be attracted to. Now he was unbuttoning that black shirt, revealing the white t-shirt - wait, no, there was no t-shirt underneath, only his bare skin, bare skin and muscles, rippling muscles, toned pecs and washboard abs...

Erica's mouth moved, but it took a few seconds for any sounds to come out. _Wow. _She thought idly. _He must work out with that punching bag every day. He's probably frustrated._

"Jack." she said, watching his waist as he untucked the dress shirt from the pants. "Jack, there's no t-shirt. You're not, you're not wearing a t-shirt underneath."  
"What- ?" Jack looked down. "Oh." he said. He'd forgotten it that morning. What a coincidence. Now they were in the same position, upper bodies revealed. He didn't have to, but out of solidarity with Erica, Jack pulled his shirt closed and buttoned one button. "I'll ask Travis, we've got to have something here, even if it's from the donation bin..."

_Oh god, now he's offering me clothes from a church's charity drive? Is there anything this man wouldn't do to me? I mean, _for _me?_

"Jack." Erica said softly as he passed her on his way to the door. She transferred the fabric from her left hand to her right, and reached out for his arm. When she made contact, Jack froze in place, momentarily thrown from his strict range of vision. His gaze flicked all over her body, bouncing like a pinball. Erica didn't seem to notice; she was speaking very earnestly about...something? He couldn't tell, he could barely hear her.

"I want you to know that Ryan and I appreciate everything you do for us. We know it's not easy for you, pretending everything is okay while you're leading this double life as priest and freedom fighter. It's not easy for any of us, but you're so good, Jack. Your heart is so pure. It shines through in everything you do, even when what you're doing would be considered wrong under normal circumstances. I feel like I've been putting you in that position every day..."

_Putting me in what position...?_ Jack's conscience slapped him back into the moment, her earnest words turning to innuendo in his fevered mind. The pinball started bouncing wildly. He felt trapped in place, not willing to move his arm lest he lose her touch, but still afraid to look at her. Did she realize her t-shirt was now gaping open at the top? The way she held her t-shirt closed only served to call attention to what she was trying to keep covered. _Boobs!_ Jack's inner adolescent kept shouting, at which both his inner adult and inner child could only blush. In spite of his inner struggle, he was beginning to understand her words, and the fact that she cared about him as much as he cared about her. Jack cleared his throat, trying to respond.

"You know I don't mind helping you, Erica. It's the right thing to do. Without you and the Fifth Column, I'd be completely lost."

"I feel the same." said Erica, leading Jack to wonder if she knew what it would take for that to be true. "But maybe I've been relying on you too much. You're the only person I really trust, and...Jack? Jack, what's wrong?"

It looked like he was having trouble breathing, and he couldn't keep his eyes on one spot for more than a second.

"I'm so sorry, Erica, but I have to say it!" Jack looked straight at her cleavage, an awe-struck chuckle escaping his throat. "The Lord hath blessed you with an amazing rack!" Straight afterward, he looked absolutely horrified that he'd said it out loud. Erica was also beside herself with shock. Jack turned away, walking back toward his desk, and he missed the stunned smile that spread slowly across Erica's face. She was so happy he'd noticed.

"Oh, jeez..." Jack breathed, clearly losing it. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I just find myself...lusting after you, and I can barely control my thoughts let alone my words and heaven forbid my body should actually make contact with yours, I think my head would explode and you're always there, so patient, and, and understanding and _strong_, and when you smile at me I wonder if it means what I think it means and I-"

"Jack." Erica said sharply, interrupting the verbal barrage. Jack stopped talking, his jaw still slack, and his eyes, the eyes of a lost puppy, searched hers for some sort of meaning to the feelings he was fighting. She was smiling at him, like she was on the verge of laughter, and he thougt it would be as good a time as any to tell her,

"I'm in love with you." he blurted.

At this, Erica let go of her t-shirt, closed the distance between them, grabbed his face and kissed him. For a second, he was in shock and time felt frozen, but then Jack realized that this might be the only time he would get to experience a kiss from Erica, so he relaxed into it, wrapped his arms around her and kissed back. It was better than anything he'd imagined. Feeling her lips and her tongue and the curve of that amazing rack pressed against his chest made him feel alive in a way he thought he never would. Suddenly, Erica pulled her head back. They remained tangled in each other's arms.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." she breathed, in a rush to find out either way.

"I don't want you to stop." Jack replied desperately, shaking his head. "I never want you to stop."

Erica made their lips crash together again, even more turned on by the passion in his voice. It was getting steamy, but when his hands began to wander she made a sound; it started out as a moan but then became a protest, and she pulled her head back again.

"MM-, but, Jack, we're...you're a..." She didn't want to say it, she couldn't, not while she was in his arms and could still feel the skin of his bare stomach against hers.

"I know." he said woefully. "And it's the only reason we haven't done this already. I understand if you can't, though. If you want me to stop- "

"No." Erica interrupted him. "I don't want you to stop either." She looked into his eyes, and it made him feel like a wish he'd made as a little boy had just come true. He didn't know it yet, but the innocence in the wide eyes that looked back at her inspired thoughts so naughty they would have made Hobbes blush.

Jack wanted it. Father Travis was all for it. Even God was into the idea. Now he just needed a sign from Erica.

She stepped back and took the sides of her shirt in her hands, but instead of pulling it closed, she pulled hard in the opposite direction, tearing the fabric clean through in one smooth motion.

"I don't need a t-shirt, Jack." she said, pulling the fabric away from her body and tossing it aside. "I need you."

Jack gulped. He looked down at her breasts, at her belly button and the button of her jeans, and then back up again, looking into her smoldering eyes.

_Bless me father, _they both thought. _For I am about to sin._


	3. The Most Totally Awesome News Ever

_A/N pt. 1 - Tyler knows the Visitors are evil. This will explain his behavior later in the chapter...teehee!_

* * *

**Chapter 3  
**_In which Jack receives a high five. A really, __**really **__high five._

* * *

"Should we...here?"

"Jack, it's..."

"Too soon?"

"It's a church."

"Oh! Right."

Jack and Erica were still standing in the middle of his office, his hands at her waist and hers resting on his chest. It felt a bit like a romance novel, albeit an awkward one. They'd been making out quite furiously, and wondering what to do about their accomodations, or lack thereof.

"I'd take you to my house," said Erica. "But...I guess I _would _need a shirt."

Jack nodded solemnly, and Erica could tell he'd taken her statement as indication that they wouldn't be doing what they so wanted to be doing. Seeing that resignation in his eyes, Erica made the face she always made when faced with a tough decision. Attacking the Visitor transport, risking everything to wipe out Anna's supply of soldiers, and now _this._ With a tense and determined brow, Erica made the choice.

"Screw it. I'll run."

Apparently, the prioritization of propriety dicated that a partial streak through a church would be a lesser evil than screwing a priest in one.

"Let's go!" Jack said exuberantly. He'd always been good at following Erica's lead.

* * *

Travis happened to look up from his desk as a man and a woman, hand in hand, ran past his office at full speed. "I'll be back!" he heard Jack shout. Travis chuckled to himself and sighed in a way that only an old, wisened and possibly alien priest could. He sincerely doubted Jack would be back any time soon, if he came back to the church at all.

* * *

And then, there was sex.

And it was good.

* * *

The next morning, Jack awoke to the sound of birds chirping, the sun streaming in the windows, and the freshest air he'd ever breathed. It felt like paradise. Then he remembered he'd fallen asleep in the arms of the woman he loved, the woman that loved him back and had proven it all afternoon and into the night. This was better than paradise - it was Erica's bedroom.

On his back, Jack looked to his right and saw Erica still asleep, face down in her pillow, on her stomach beside him. They were naked, and the blankets they'd cuddled under all night had been pushed down to their waists. It seemed Erica was a restless sleeper. Her back was bared, down to the point where her lower back started to curve up into something else. Jack's first instinct was to cover her, and he reached for the end of the sheet, pulling it up to her shoulders. Then it occurred to him that he'd already seen her entire body, up close and very personal, and Erica had not been shy about it at all. The corners of Jack's mouth turned up in a smile, and he gently pushed the sheet back down to her waist, his hand caressing the soft skin on her back as he did so.

"Mmm..." Erica moaned sleepily. "That feels nice."

Jack chuckled, keeping his hand there. "I'm glad."

Erica stirred, lifting first her head, and then propping herself up on her elbows; just like that, she was awake. "All of it," she said, a smile forming slowly on her lips. "Felt very, _very _nice."

"Really?" Jack said hopefully.

"Really." said Erica, smile growing bigger. It made her curious, though. She bit her lip and started to ask, "That wasn't...your first...?" Jack grinned sheepishly, but before Erica could learn exactly what he was sheepish about, she stopped him. "Wait." she said. "Don't tell me. I think that's a case that can remain unsolved. Or a confession that can remain...un...confessed?"

Jack and Erica stared at each other with straight faces, until they both burst out laughing.

"Are you always this goofy in the morning?" Jack asked her.

"Only after a night of-" Erica almost joked, but she trailed off, distracted by a sound from outside. There was a distant buzzing, getting louder and louder, until it seemed to stop right in front of the house. It was Tyler was arriving on his motorcycle, in such a rush to get home he parked on the lawn and ran straight inside before he'd even taken off his helmet.

"Mom!" Tyler shouted, sounding like he'd just won a million bucks. They heard his feet on the stairs, running toward her room because he had something very important to tell her. It couldn't wait, and it's not like his mom ever needed privacy. Right?

"He's not going to...?" Jack began to ask, even as Erica quickly pulled the sheet up to cover their bodies.

"Mom!" Tyler shouted again as he reached for the handle.

"Tyler, don't-!" Erica nearly said, but the door swung open before she could finish. Tyler burst in, his hand still on the doorknob when he realized she had a man in her bed.

"Whoa." he said quietly, at first too shocked to have a real reaction. He then almost burst into laughter, because he recognized that man as his mother's priest friend right away. "Holy shit." Tyler said, turning his back on them and giggling.

"Tyler!" Erica scolded him, for so many reasons.

"Sorry, Father." Tyler said, trying very hard to hold back any more laughter. "No pun intended."

"Tyler could you _please_ wait outside?"

"But, Mom! I have something really really important to tell you!"

"Ty..."

"The Visitors are leaving!" Tyler blurted.

Erica and Jack sat up, staring at the back of Tyler's head, and then at each other.

"Come again?" said Jack.

"What are you talking about, Ty?"

"Get your clothes on and come downstairs!" Tyler begged them. "It's on every station!"

Sure enough, once Jack had thrown on his pants and Erica wrapped herself in a fluffy robe, they ran downstairs and found that every media outlet in the world had one video on constant repeat. It was Anna, announcing to the planet that the Visitors had achieved all their goals and were leaving the solar system immediately.

"Is this not the most totally awesome news we have ever gotten? Ever?" Tyler asked his mother, who could only laugh, allowing herself a moment of relief before reason took over.

"But, what if they're lying?" she said. "What if this is part of their plan to lull us into a false sense of security?"

"They're not lying, Mom." Tyler said proudly. "I talked to Lisa before they left." he explained, looking only slightly sad that he'd never see his girlfriend again. She was a lizard underneath the hot exterior, but he trusted her. "She said it's for real, that they're leaving for good and the only way they'll ever come back is if -"

Tyler's phone rang, and he stopped talking so he could check who was calling. "Brandon!" he shouted joyfully into the phone. "Where the hell have you been?..."

As Tyler wandered off to chat excitedly with his buddy, Erica turned her body toward Jack and wrapped her arms around his waist, her eyes still glued to the television. _Damn_. she thought. _I'll probably have to go into work today. All I want to do is hug Jack. And by 'hug', I really mean-_

"Huh." Jack said slowly, as if he was just coming to a major realization. Erica tore her eyes away from the TV to look at his face. His mouth hung open most adorably, his brow furrowed in a way that implied deep thought. He was still mesmerized by the footage, the commentary, the bigger meaning of it all.

They were _free_.

"Jack?" Erica said, her heart turning to Jello as Jack's look of deep thought transformed to one of awe and wonder. A smile formed, and he chuckled once, then twice.

"I think..." Jack said, looking at the television.

"What?" Erica prompted him.

Jack's eyes turned upward for a brief moment, and then slowly side to side, as if he was waiting for another sign. But he had his sign, and it was bigger than any sign any human had ever received.

"...I think God just high fived me."

Erica's smile grew as his did, and after a few more moments of staring at nothing in particular, Jack looked into her eyes and grinned. As the last Visitor transport left the Earth's surface, Jack was kissing Erica, and the world was safe once again.

**The End.**

**:)**

* * *

_A/N pt 2: That's right, folks; this whole invasion thing was really just a ploy to get Jack and Erica to hook up. Or perhaps their lovechild is the key to defeating the Visitors and therefore the salvation of humanity? Either way, Anna knows what's up. I'd like to share with you now the original version of this fic, in its purest form:_

Jack: Father, I have had impure thoughts about a woman...  
Travis: Dude. Go for it. I'm not joking. God would high five you.  
Jack: Heeey...are you a V?  
Travis: (shifty eyes of a liar)...nooo?  
Jack: ...okay, I'll be back in like five hours!

Jack: God, please give me a sign that you're okay with this...  
(Erica's clothes burn off in a vicious V attack)  
Erica: Jack, what are you looking at?  
Jack: (gulp)...I apologize, but...the lord hath blessed you with an amazing rack!  
Erica: (looks down). oh my god, OH MY GOD, I'm naked!  
Jack: Here, take my shirt!  
Erica: Well, now that we're both naked...(Erica whips shirt into a rope and swings it around Jack's neck, pulling him closer) Clothe me with your BODY, Jack! (hug hug hug)  
Jack: (makes sound he made when Erica said 'Step aside, priest.')

_From that, three chapters of just-shy-of-crazy were born. Thanks for reading! _


End file.
